


Her Wonderland

by AccidentalWriter



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Unrequited Love, only mentions the other characters, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 08:45:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6511171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AccidentalWriter/pseuds/AccidentalWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> Her presence is intoxicating—invading every single one of your senses and you wish that you could just tell her. </i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <i>Tell her that you love her.</i></p><p> </p><p>  <i>Tell her that she means world to you. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Her Wonderland

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first angsty story on here. Sorry for the angst. I wanted to experiment with the side of Chloe that was insecured with herself. In a way, to expand on how amazing she is for being able to show everyone her happiness when she's really hurting inside. I think that's amazing of her. That anyone who can do that is really brave and really Chloe is one of those people.
> 
> It focuses more on the angst than the happiness part of that's the general idea.
> 
> Sorry, if you get too angry with her, it's okay, I got angry to when I was writing it. I just wanted to explore and see this side of Chloe Beale. Our eternal sunshine.

She's right in front of you, at arm's length and you're both laughing—it's a moment that will remain with you for the rest of the day. You say something that makes her pretend to pout like a child and you just fall in love all over again. You fight the urge to grab her by the waist and pull her to you so you could just kiss the pout away. She continues to pout and you continue to stare—heart hammering away in your chest. Her presence is intoxicating—invading every single one of your senses and you wish that you could just tell her. 

 

Tell her that you love her.

 

Tell her that she means world to you.

 

You walk out of the room after she goes back to teaching the Bellas the new choreography. Your heart is still pounding a million miles per minute. You had to get away. If you didn't you wouldn't have been able to stop yourself from kissing her. Your smile is gone—replaced by a frown. It hurts you to know that she doesn't feel the same way. It hurts you to know that she will _never_ feel the same way. The beating of your heart is both pleasant and painful because you know. You know that she doesn't look at you the same way. You know that for her, that look is reserved for him. 

 

And for him _only_.

 

So you tell yourself that you should stop. Stop your feelings from continuing. Stop yourself from falling further. You tell yourself that you'll only end up hurting more. You tell yourself that she doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve to hurt. You tell yourself to not tell her. Because in the end you're both going to come out hurt. In the end, no matter how much the both of you will try, your friendship will never be the same again. No matter what, you're still going to be broken and she will still end up with him. You tell yourself to stop.

 

But you can't.

 

And that just breaks you all over again.

 

The rest of the Bellas encourage you to just tell her but you shake your head and you tell them that if you tell her that means that you want to date her. You tell them that you don't want to date her. They give you weird looks but they never bothered asking you to elaborate so you never bothered explaining.

 

She deserves better. 

 

She deserves someone better than you. She deserves someone who is good enough for her. She deserves someone who won't drag her down with them. She deserves someone who she gives that look to. Someone who can make her smile. Someone who makes her laugh. She deserves someone that she can trust. Someone who can give her a shoulder to cry on. Someone who knows what her needs are without her even telling them. She deserves someone that can make her happy.

 

And that can never be you.

 

You're not good enough.

 

When you first met her, she was scouring the campus that would even remotely interest her. To everyone else, she was just a brooding college freshman who didn't looked like she didn't wanted to be here, but to you. She was _beautiful_. You had the chance of meeting her that day. She didn't seem interested in acapella and just looked at you like you were the weirdest person alive. You kept trying to recruit her, she left as uninterested as she was when she first came over. It wasn't exactly what you would call the greatest first meeting. But she had left an impression and your heart was telling you exactly that. 

 

When you first met her, you knew. You knew that you were going to be in trouble. You knew that if given the chance you would fall for her. And you have. You've fallen down the rabbit hole and _unlike_ Alice, you're _stuck_. You're doomed to stay there. 

 

_Doomed to forever be a part of her wonderland._

 

It was a miracle that she even became your best friend and you hers. You guess your persistence really made the difference. If you hadn't jumped into her shower, she wouldn't have auditioned. If she hadn't become a Bella, you never would have been as close to her as you are now.

 

You know that it will never become anything more than friendship. You know it's a lost cause. You know it will never happen. So you take a breath and suck it up and continue to be her friend because she _deserves better_. She deserves a friend who just wants to be her friend and not have ulterior motives. So no, you don't want to date her because she deserves better.

 

Before her, your life was dark—it's still dark, but around her there's light. It started out dim but as time passed it became brighter and bigger, just as your feelings for her grew. You were always alone, no matter what, you always felt like it was only you on this earth. Aubrey tried to help as much as she could, always holding you when you cried, rubbing your arm to know she was there for you. But nothing seemed to work. Beca pulled you out of your broken state—you owe her everything. You're no stranger to heartbreak—you've experienced it many times before with small crushes that you knew would never return your feelings. 

 

But one time you fell too hard for someone. This time—this time was different because you actually fell. You were in love but everything was ripped away. The experience had left you in pieces—left you nothing but horrible memories. It made you cautious around everyone—it had left you wary of showing your feelings to others. But _she_ picked you up and slowly started gluing the pieces back together.

 

But you knew—from the moment you met her, you knew that if you let yourself fall, it would be worse than the past. That once you fall again, you would hit the ground and shatter into even smaller pieces. But you have to endure the torture of being glued together so you could be broken again. She deserves a friend who is just a friend and you can be that. You can be that friend.

 

So you let out a shaky breath—running your hand through you hair as you get up and head back into the practice room. You greet her with a smile and small wave before helping her with the choreography. For now, you'll pretend everything will be okay.

 

You'll talk.

 

You'll smile.

 

You'll laugh.

 

You'll pretend be happy.

 

And wait for the impact of the cold hard ground.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! I hoped you enjoyed it. I'm sorry, I hate myself for writing this. I can't handle angst either, GAHHH! Ask me question my tumblr theygayisveryreal.


End file.
